Better For It

Do you ever have one of those moments/hours/days/weeks when you just start crying and you don't know why and then it turns into sobbing and you can't stop and even when you do, you just pick it right back up after you're done blowing your nose?

Today mine lasted a good 20 minutes. I'm feeling vaguely stressed about getting a job and paying bills, but that's not specifically why I was so emotional. I told Anna that I wanted to get out of bed and go into the living room and play with Jake and go outside, but the thought of actually doing any of these just reduced me to tears.* What's up with that?

Jake, compassionate, happy human being that he is, was naturally curious as to why I was crying. Anna did her best to fend him off (to protect me, of course), but in the end, his attempts to console me and make me feel better were what got me out of bed.

Maybe all I needed was a good cry? But then, I'm usually able to identify those needs. Whatever. It's over now. And I feel better for it.


*By the way, if crying and tears are not a "weakness," then why is it called "reduced to tears"? Maybe we could rename it to, say, "amplified or surged to tears"? Your thoughts?

I've Been Indulging Again

In what, you ask? Books. It's been too long, far too long, since I've even picked up a book. This is way overdue.

In the past month, I've read The Shape of Things to Come by Maud Casey, The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky and Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. I can't say which one I've enjoyed most of all; like Anna said, whichever book I've read most recently tends to be my favourite. I enjoyed all three of the books for different reasons: The Shape for the narrator's sarcastic sense of humour (Mindy and Karen this one's for you), The Perks for the way it whispers to my introspective self, and Freakonomics for it's economic explanation of random questions, like whether or not obsessive parenting determines a child's future or how littered with cheating is the Japanese Sumo Wrestling league and how the American crime rate dropped by the mid-90's was due, substantially, to the outcome of the Roe v. Wade case 20 years previously.

I just started Lord of the Flies by William Golding. Initially, and I'm only 3 pages into it, I'm finding it terribly confusing and annoying in it's non-descript dialog. Anna says I have to keep reading to figure out what's going on, but I'm thinking Meh. I've also picked up The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver because it was recommended to me at least a year ago by my dear friend Kitty and I'm just now getting around to it. Oh, and I picked up Queer by William Burroughs, but found the writing to be so scattered that I couldn't stick with it. Plus, Jakob was calling my name and needed my attention. And how could I possibly ignore the 4 yr-old for Queer? :)

In other news, I had my second interview with Positive Step supervisor at the Partnership yesterday. It went about as fantastic as the first interview; I'm finding this whole interview process to be very easy. I just talk about myself (which I like doing) and be honest when I'm asked questions and I find they go very well. There is a matter of debate whether or not I have to interview with HR before they make their decision, but since I'd interviewed with HR when I was applying for the Exec Ass't position, and because of my relationship and track record with the organisation, I may get to skip it. We'll see. I'm anxious to work, though, as the bills are piling up and my debt is (continuing) to accrue.

Mindy comes in to town this weekend and is staying until Wednesday! Hooray! I'm very excited; so excited, in fact, that Anna and I are cleaning the house today in preparation. Well, she's cleaning the house right now and I'm talking to you fine folks. Heh. I'll get to it, I'll get to it.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! DOIN' THE DEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll likely second-guess this on in the morning

so, like, if i just wander in there ready for bed and/or conversation after she's made such a fuss about me coming to bed, and she just sits there, reading and/or annoyed with me for not coming to bed sooner, does this mean i get to be pissy and roll over with a clear conscience?

makin' something bigger than anyone of us alone

it's been a while, if ever, since i've written in all lower-case letters. in fact, i'm so intoxicated that i haven't even the energy to look back and find out if i've even EVER written in all lower-case letters.

*sigh*

i'm sure i have. this is no miracle. no freak of nature. i've been here before. *smile*

i'm supposed to be in bed now; i was sufficiently warned. i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago but apparently i got all caught up in time and writing and being intoxicated that i forgot all about time.

what's the point of this point?

i suppose to establish contact with my friends when i'm supposed to be asleep. it feels sorta the way it did when i was a kid; back when i was supposed to be asleep, secluded and sequestered from my folks' "alone" time (a.k.a. time away from the kids which i have come to resent no longer) and sneaking out to "steal" and apple from the fridge. oh, what a rebel i was.

what a rebel i am.

Trying to Be Better At This Whole "Blogging" Thing

So, I had my interview today*. I think it went very well. I felt quite at ease and articulate. I "knew" the interview was just a formality, that I would be called back for a second one, but still I worried when the time came close to interviewing. I worried that I had no idea what the position entailed. Thankfully, my interviewer (a former co-worker, how weird) explained it all. I think I came across as caring and concerned, dedicated and genuine.

At the end of the interview was a role playing exercise, wherein the interviewer played the part of a client and I was the case-worker. She was trying to get a feel for my interpersonal skills and I admitted to being nervous and feeling a bit silly about "acting." By the second or third question, I felt more at ease and found myself genuinely interested in learning more about the "client." The finished product was a "client assessment," where, at the end of the document, I was to give a narrative of the client and make a judgement on whether I thought they were or could be housing-ready, a very difficult task considering I only got to ask her 5 prepared questions. In the end, I felt confident about the interview; of course, that's when she told me that I would naturally be getting a second interview, that this was just a formality, so I felt a little like I had wasted my efforts. But no matter. The interview was a challenge to myself and I passed. :)

Afterwards, Anna, Jakob (her son who is staying with us for the summer) and I grabbed a couple of hot dogs and pretzels and headed to Central Park (but not before showing him off around the office- he's super shy!). 91 degrees outside, we sat in the shade and ate our lunch, listened to the 12 yr-old girls sing, badly, on the stairs by Columbus Circle, went in the park so Jake could shyly venture out and play on the swings and slide, picked up a framed photograph for my mom and then headed back home, just in time for an afternoon nap. Afterwards, we'll take the tyke and pup to the wee local park and come back in time to wish our neighbor congratulations on graduating 8th grade (we were told to come by after being offered walnut cake from the neighbors- how could we refuse?).

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the Rockies and calm in the house.


*For those unware**, I was asked to interview for a case manager position with the HIV programme, Positive Step, at the Partnership for the Homeless. I said yes, that it would be a good idea to gain some insight into clients' needs before I go wandering into the field of research/development/policy analysis. Anyway, it's a start, and I'ven't quite got one of those.
**i.e. "most of you"

Breaking It Down.

House: Empty.
Feeling: Liberating quiet.
Perpetually Moving: Fan blades and fingers to type with.
Expecting: Nothing.
Wandering and Flopping: Toby, around the house, enjoying the new quiet and space, too.
Updating: My blog.
Avoiding: Revamping résumé for tomorrow's job interview.

Paraphrasing: Lestat, with this beauty, People never change; they only become more truly what they are.