Student* Procrastinator
*Soon-to-be Professional (once I've graduated)
I have this adorable habit of pushing everyone away when I'm stressed. You see, it goes like this: E.G. gets extremely excited about an endeavor she is plans to engage in. She tells everyone in her life about it and makes them believe in her. In this regard, she propels herself towards her goals by setting herself up for success. Somewhere around the time of her original deadline to work towards accomplishing this goal, she puts it off. And then she puts it off some more. At this rate, she continues to shirk the deadline until the very last second, depending on her charm and quick wit to put her past the finish line. Usually she succeeds, but only with the all the stress and anticipation built up for months forcing her to comply with her own goals. It is in the final weeks (or days, hours) of this proces that she is most stressed out. She finds herself ignoring phone calls from friends and family to avoid the questions she knows they're going to ask.
Tonight, I have found myself with everyone in my life far beyond arms length. I want to cry out, vent, scream in someone's ear, blame anyone for my stress (but myself, of course). I want to have good news to report everytime I come up for air. I want some goddamn comfort, but know I will not find it anywhere outside of myself.
Come back, people. Don't let me give up on myself.
I have this adorable habit of pushing everyone away when I'm stressed. You see, it goes like this: E.G. gets extremely excited about an endeavor she is plans to engage in. She tells everyone in her life about it and makes them believe in her. In this regard, she propels herself towards her goals by setting herself up for success. Somewhere around the time of her original deadline to work towards accomplishing this goal, she puts it off. And then she puts it off some more. At this rate, she continues to shirk the deadline until the very last second, depending on her charm and quick wit to put her past the finish line. Usually she succeeds, but only with the all the stress and anticipation built up for months forcing her to comply with her own goals. It is in the final weeks (or days, hours) of this proces that she is most stressed out. She finds herself ignoring phone calls from friends and family to avoid the questions she knows they're going to ask.
Tonight, I have found myself with everyone in my life far beyond arms length. I want to cry out, vent, scream in someone's ear, blame anyone for my stress (but myself, of course). I want to have good news to report everytime I come up for air. I want some goddamn comfort, but know I will not find it anywhere outside of myself.
Come back, people. Don't let me give up on myself.
posted by Ruth @ 01:28
2 Comments:
At 23/8/04 07:37 ,
Lyzard said...
I have no control over whether or not you give up on yourself.
But I will never give up on you.
At 24/8/04 10:35 ,
Bijtje said...
nobody has given up on you, E.
and nobody will...some might shake their head but they won't give up on you.
neither should you.
i know and believe that, even though you do not want this habit, you will make the deadline. and even if you don't...so what? there are always other ways to get what you want, and those other ways can and will happen as well in the same year.
the only thing you have to do is keep your eyes and ears open and it will come to you.
(ghe, just listen to your own advice that i give back to you right now :) )
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home