Drunk, This Time Emotionally

I have been weepy all day. Most of that is because I watched the season finale of Sex and the City and, maybe, the reason I cried so much, is because of the friendship difficulties addressed in the show and how much I relate to them..

I think I miss my Florida friends. Despite being surrounded by a few choice individuals since July, I have been completely alone. I have had a connection with them unmatched, but I still long for the connection I had with friends before. And because I long for those old connections, I feel alone without them, in spite of the new connections I've made here. It's like- I could have (and do have) exactly what I need for great friendship here, but because it's not the SAME as what I have in Florida, I feel like I don't have any friendship at all.

I miss quiet people and when I'm around my quiet people here, I miss the noisiness of my non-quiet people back in Florida. Nothing here is the brand of people I want, despite how lucky I feel to be surrounded here by friends who care for and about me, who would do anything for me and who are, if I would let them be, exactly what I need.

I guess just haven't adjusted to the friendship void in my life yet. I have been mindful of my life in Utah lately and the adjustment period I went through there. I guess, moving up here, I thought things would be different, that I wouldn't have any trouble not being intimately connected with my Florida people. And I've spent so much time ignoring the fact that I miss them and need them, that I've been utterly negligent to myself.

And so tonight I am emotionally drunk. I'm going home to Florida at the end of next week and thinking about being back there has reminded me of the fact that I'm not there now. And that I have not been there in over three months. I imagine that's why this current well of emotion has sprung up.

I miss you all very much. And all the shiny new adventures, freshly strengthened relationships and success stories I tell don't amount to much without the faces of my history to share them with.