A post with no resolution (i.e. i got bored)

If one were to create a blog, clearly, they've done it to communicate something to their audience. What that something is or who the audience is matters not for my purposes this afternoon; I'm trying to get at why they started a blog in the first place. I mean, obviously we're talking about me here, but I like to compare myself to others when evaluating my behaviour (a sometimes self-destructive task, but mostly it serves to provide self-reflection). What is my point? To illustrate this, I give you a story... the (Unofficial) History of My Blog...

Friends said I should start blogging. Then, people who just met me and had conversation with me one night told me I should blog. And I thought, "yeah, I could do that. I spend enough freakin' time in front of the keyboard, I might as well be someone productive." So I wrote a journal entry Memorial Day weekend and a few days later created a blog and posted it. Then, after a virus had (and is in the process of) eaten up my computer, I downloaded a new browser and changed my homepage to my blogspot. But since then, I mostly avoid the site, except to write those two posts prior this one. This afternoon, I stared at the online journal, completely intimidated by it, hating it, wishing it didn't make so much fucking noise, begging me to address it. But it got me wondering: what am I avoiding?

Avoiding a journal about myself tells me I'm probably avoiding myself. Hmmm... this feels like a recurring pattern lately. Since my heart split in two janvier this year, I've done a whole bunch of that. Friends ask, "what's up, EG?" and I start telling them a story and lose interest three sentences into it. I don't hate myself. I don't feel particularly self-defeating. But I can say that the ego that floated my enthusiasm for most of last year must have sprung a leak somewhere down the line, 'cos my usual charisma is seriously waning.