Decision-making processes

Last time I moved a thousand plus miles away I was in dire need of a change. Don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer that people never change (they only become more fully what they are) and I've become a product of my own self-prophesy. I wandered 2000+ miles from home two years ago, in search of familiarity beyond my physical and emotional boundaries, seeking my own reflection instead of seeing the mirror image of everyone BUT me. I found her and loved her. I came back different, renewed somehow, glowing (my mother asked me, "Did you get laid out there?"). And I promised myself I would stay that way, that my life while finishing up school would be portable and mobile and emotional attachment-free.

Two years later, I am taking stock of what I've gathered here. I finally took off my wall the 30+ postcards I'd accumulated from friends since my arrival here. Tonight I began packing the bits and bobs given me while here. I have made a note to myself to pick up a forwarding address notice at the post office next time I'm there in case I miss anything during the move. The next two months I'll (hopefully) be all over the place, my parents volunteering themselves as the net for catching any of my fan mail slipped past my gaze.

Ani croons: "i don't keep much stuff around/ i value my portability" and I echo her priorities. Stuff is sort of a metaphor, really, for all kinds of stuff that isn't necessary, emotional attachment/baggage included. I'm no stoic and I really don't want to be. I just want to love and be loved in return, but sometimes it's so hard to do that and maintain a safe distance. Getting lost in other people has always been my self-defeating method of choice, but I remember that it is, still, a choice and I made it each and every time. So maybe my "self-defeatism" is really just my way of being happy. I did, after all, choose this path.